Kandayia Ali

Our world is slowly being taken away from us through the constant recurrence of natural and national disasters. We run around in circles searching for answers- and we NEVER look to the real master, but the one we put before everything is existence-, only to see the real identity of 'govern-mental' society. Losing our homes, our lives, our loved ones, our faith just to have a piece of something we often times hate- but eat it anyway and it makes our bellies ache and some of us even throw up at the thought. Look at the war we're now fighting and the battles in the past, we've fought. Never really had a reason to be involved but our people are so caught up worser than Usher- not close to opening their eyes to see that WE are killing WE; not one man killing one man, but ALL men killing humanity; strippin us of our real identity a chosen species placed on the pedestal by the Almighty.

Our children cry because they don't understand why we lost our home and the water washed away the land around their swing set. Now, it's covered with mud and the neighbor's dog's blood, and will be fossilized on a memory of how things ‘was'. Not wanting to cry with them, you try to show them another way other than this pain that you see in their eyes today- 'we have each other, we have faith, we have life, we have hope, we have love.' Only if they really knew; that in this world, today- it surely seems like that's not enough! Until my struggle is yours and yours is mine we will never truly see that we're being led blind.
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Narrow were the choices I have been given. They have me driven to make the decisions that I have made in my life. Whether to succeed or fail,
fall under or prevail, they are my choices... No one else hears these silent voices. Silent prayers of the heart, asking for the strength to take part in the activities that make a person an authentic work of art; I'm NOT a carbon copy; something put together so sloppy
that no one wants to be near you.
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I wish to take this time to let you know whats been bothering me, haunting
me, to tell you. I don't know your situation fully, but I can feel what you going through. its like some sort of connection, some vibe we have with each other, which causes me to want to bring it to the table to half way meet each other. No; not like that- as a friend, big sis, with the best interests of her lil' sister or brother. I hate to see you hurt; it makes me want to defend you, I can feel your pain, and I can relate to what you have been through; there has been a lot of things, some
unnecessary, others- meant to be. These things are turning you into the person you are now, the wonderful person I see.
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Every tone, texture, frame, physique; almond shaped, round, exotic, unique; long hair, medium, short, shaved, or even locked. Every box braid, up-do, wrap, curl, or natural hair style ever rocked...

From high cheek bones, wide spread to pointed nose; naturally arched to waxed eyebrows, manicured nails, pedicured toes. Full lips, to thin, injected or reduced; from detailed and intelligent, to petty and obtuse. From A cup to Z cup; sagging' or firm either- single lettered or doubled; to a waistline that you can't find, or one that get's you in trouble. Hips and thighs that stop traffic dead in its tracks; to
the dimpled themed thighs with the excess luggage in the back.
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All the times I thought that I was your 'Queen; ' in the end, all you found yourself calling me was a 'hoe.' All the times I thought you were trying to hold on; you were building up your strength, to let me go. I thought you trusted me, but I only disgusted you. You said that you couldn't live without me, but each day we around each other you prove to me that statement wasn't quite true.

I wanted you, but, to my surprise, you had a different look in your eyes, a different feel in your heart; that you claimed wasn't there from the start. Over the years it turned from suga' to shhh; and all you say to me, is that I caused all of it. See, you loved me cause i thought differently; now, I'm crazy because I think like that. You go out of your way now, to hurt me purposely- because you seriously think, I don't notice how you act. You make everything a challenge; a war- even when we shouldn't even be the ones in combat.
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This time around, I'm longing for things to be different for me; I'm finding it hard to open my eyes wide enough to see, the do's and don'ts of the love game, seems all the same. Together, then apart, then move on, don't know who's really to blame. Why is it that shortly after the night we consummated our relationship, we soon took the final steps before consecrating our relationship?

I have heard it all before, but this time, I want more...
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Tingles up and down my spine- pain unbearable like the needle point pinch of a spinal tap, you tapped into my mind- mentally causing a relapse of time- a halt in space- that sorta' took place...

Unexpectedly-
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You have give me a talent. A skill of my own. I know that it's not going to be easy, me doing this all alone. You said to me that if I did my part, you would meet me half way. Those are words I live by; I remind myself everyday. You have opened up doors and moved mountains. You've led me to the river of life, and allowed me to drink from its fountain.

Now, I give back to you, all the glory goes to my Father...
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I NEVER TOOK THE TIME TO THINK- THAT THE TIME IT TOOK TO THINK YOU HAVE SOMETHING, YOU ALWAYS HAD TO PAY A PRICE. NO MATTER DAY OR NIGHT, 'NOTHING IN LIFE IS FREE, ' IS WHAT PLAYED IN MY HEAD AT A CONTINUOUS RHYTHM. WRAPPED IN A SATIN COVERED BOX, IS HOW YOU WERE GIVEN...

TO ME? THIS CAN'T BE... SO MUCH POTENTIAL, AND ORIGINALITY, NOT TO MENTION YOUR SENSUAL MENTALITY. TREATING ME LIKE A BEAUTIFUL LINE FROM YOUR SELF WRITTEN POETRY... A PART OF YOU, I WISH I WAS JUST TO SEE AND BE ATTACHED TO- THE REST OF YOU... SOUNDS CRAZY? WELL BOO, YOU HAVE THE SKILLS THAT GIVE MY BODY CHILLS AND CURES ALL MY ILLS REPLACING THEM WITH THRILLS; YET YOU WERE DELIVERED TO ME, FREE..
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I awake to the sounds to the train moving across the tracks. Realizing that I cannot relax! Why? Because, by the time on my watch- I should have been just leaving the club scene- But instead, I'm here- in a room- dark- and serene... I get up to move finding that I'm bound- I panic- but I don't think I'm going to be found... Why? I'm handcuffed in this room- to a headboard- and no matter how loud I cry to the Lord.... There is only silence afterwards- no one else but me- This is a tragedy!

Who's gonna help me? I called on God, and he can't even hear me for the sound of the train- I don't know what else to do- am I going insane? Then I see him- that guy I smiled at; the one that offered me a drink. I remember me agreeing to receive his invite to talk- because I wanted to know who he was and how he thinks- I remember thinking to myself, how 'fine' he was, and how I could 'swing that' This is not the same man- his whole attitude has changed... He seems to be turned on by my pain- My head is spinning, I must be high, these cuffs are too tight- cutting off my blood supply! This is not what I expected- nor what I could ever see coming my way. He seemed like he only had the most intelligent things to say... Now his words are vulgar- threatening to cause me more harm- It's wet from a leaky ceiling- I'm finding it hard to keep warm...
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Just because you went that extra mile to make sure I stayed out
of trouble- When I was- you still stayed near- true to your
purpose- True to your being- your creation is a priceless design.
You are no match for anyone- and my love for you- reflects the
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Some days I just want to lay down and die! Why ask why? ? The
reason doesn't really matter. Why my thoughts are scattered and
I can't find- One thought that is not tied to another in my head.
Not being able to control my emotions, some days mean, some
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I've always wanted 2 have a chair that sat by a large window
alone off in the distance- a part of the house less traveled and
often times abandoned. I could see myself- sitting there during
the storms- day or nite- captivated by thoughts versus the sound
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Backed up in a corner- like- a wild cat in the ring. My battle
against all that oppose me, and as soon as I hear the ding- I will
come out with a monster swing. The rules were given before this
fight, but my opponent looked at me kinda' funny, so I just might
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I am WOMAN...

Born from His every thought; created from this Man's very hunger to feel complete. To bare His story, buried deep inside my womb; to give birth to His legacy and to stand firm in the face of Destiny's sometimes unforeseen, carnal minded calamities.
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