greg richardson


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  • Rookie - 587 Points Jefferson Carter (5/24/2013 11:03:00 AM)

    Greg, I appreciate what you're trying to do (stripped-down philosophy) but your diction is just too mundane to make the poems interesting. Read someone like Rae Armantrout or Robert Creeley or W.C. Williams to see how this kind of poem is done well. Also, if you're going to use eccentric punctuation, be consistent....

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Trapped in Paradise

Trapped with nowhere to go
I watch the flames
dancing to and fro
around the tree
I planted long ago.
They do not seem
to have the power to burn me
and encircle the land I call home.
If I remain still
perhaps they will abate
all I can do
is watch and wait.

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