Treasure Island

Critiques and Revision

Post a message
  • Evans Ampofo (4/12/2013 3:51:00 AM) Post reply

    All I want is you love. i love you so much it hurt. when i think about you i cant breath, because you are my air breath. i feel lose with you. if i have go to hell and back just to be with you just for one day i will because i know God understands how much i love you.i love so much i will die for you. you are my oxygen if i cant breath, so how can breath with you. you my eyes if cant see. i will tell the world how much i love you. people will know how i care you, i am incomplete with you beside. i love you girl.

  • Stephen Izevbekhai (4/8/2013 7:23:00 AM) Post reply

    Check out my poems; Dreams and Street kids..Both poems are open to constructive criticisms, suggestions and comments..Kindly drop your comments as they may help in improvements..Thanks peers..

  • Yasmeen Khan Rookie - 1st Stage (4/7/2013 11:22:00 AM) Post reply

    Silence, a wordless language
    a sea shell held close to the ear with
    the sounds surf sends hissing up
    the sandy beach

  • Kelvin Enumah Rookie - 1st Stage (4/4/2013 4:57:00 PM) Post reply

    this is actually my first time going for a critique...anyway.

    Much More Beauty

    Beauty they say lies in the hands of the beholder, bet, I say here it lies in the hands of the shareholder, all I can see and know, is that it's like you crossing a border, it would only be joy to find out what's after the border of beauty.

    It seemed to me like I wasn't seeing what I was meant to see; bit by bit I fell for the deceit,
    freight caught hold of me with a strong sight, fitness came to me, though like a tack hit.

    I say all this, because I've felt one, eyes; like that of a diamond,
    flies could not even stand a look at it, iced bloods, ran through my veins at once.

    Though I couldn't still believe what I was seeing, thoughts like; who is this?Tampered with my feelings, thorough shock ran through me like that off those that killed ‘tesla', thus, the only way to find out, is to test her.

    From a distance, I could hear the sun cry, from that instance, I wandered about giving it a try, yet I asked myself; could this be one of those wonder fly?still, looking at the diamond eyes, and I'm just wanting to go fey.

    Then I saw a smile that transits,
    I was though still amazed at what I was seeing, that I continued to gaze at the point of forfeit, this must be an intruder to my mind! ! I insist.

    I just couldn't fight and resist,
    that I almost shouted ‘oh my gosh';
    but in her presence I wouldn't try saying such, I must have my stand; I persist.

    Never knew that figures applies to people, nervous at first,
    because her skin was as fresh as an apple, but that mostly, made me thirst.

    Smiling! ! ! All this just feels rumpled, asking, what could this be at this angle?Toggle me, I think I'm falling for a beauty, sorry; ; MUCH MORE BEAUTY.

  • Meronhailom Hailom Rookie - 1st Stage (4/2/2013 9:39:00 AM) Post reply

    Dear members, your critiques and suggestions mean a step forward in my poem writing, so please, give your honest ideas about my poems.

  • Amanda Daniel Rookie - 1st Stage (3/18/2013 1:13:00 PM) Post reply

    am Amanda Daniel i like your profile,
    i am interested in you please contact me
    to my email.(
    so that i can tell you all about me thank you.
    don't contact me on this site because i don't
    use to be online every day.

  • Gaayatri Chandrasekharan Rookie - 1st Stage (3/18/2013 5:08:00 AM) Post reply

    Please go through my poems and suggest ways to improve.All your criticisms and advice will be most welcome.Thanks a lot! ! !

  • Jillian Ward Rookie - 1st Stage (3/12/2013 10:50:00 AM) Post reply

    Hey guys I just write poetry for fun but if you have time could you check out my poems?
    Thanks! I'm open to feedback!

  • Ella Pitt Rookie - 1st Stage (3/12/2013 6:10:00 AM) Post reply

    Would really appreciate it if anybody could check out my poems particularly the newest ones

  • Pratik Jain Rookie - 1st Stage (3/5/2013 11:14:00 PM) Post reply

    I've written a few poems on my blog.
    feel free to read and comment if any suggestions.. :)

[Hata Bildir]