Critiques and Revision

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  • Rookie Robert Hamilton (8/20/2013 8:09:00 PM) Post reply
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    Near a Wall

    eyes open
    near a wall
    stale air
    daylight near
    bird chirps
    car passes

    stand up
    near a wall
    collect thoughts
    forgot them all
    fear struck
    two bucks
    in pocket
    what luck

    near a wall
    almost six
    feeling sick

    near a wall
    car pulls up
    door opens
    fix in sight
    bottle of white
    bills spent
    down white went

    near a wall
    forgot it all
    Author Notes

    © Robert Hamilton. All rights reserved

  • Rookie Survi Sharma (8/19/2013 12:12:00 AM) Post reply

    why dont poemhunter rewards ranks to their poet members
    there should be a ranking system starting from down to highest level, it will encourage the poets as well
    the increment in rank would be based on no. Of poems and no.of comments done and received.
    i may say you understand my request

  • Rookie Lewy Lewis (8/18/2013 10:36:00 PM) Post reply

    What Do I Remember About You

    I Remember You Beautiful Bird From Many Years Ago When We Were Young The Beauty I Seen In You. You Were One Beauty To Me One Beauty More Beautiful Than Any Other In That Time Of My Life.

    And My Heart Never Forgot The Memory Of You The Beauty I Seen And Felt And I Felt It Always Till Now When We Have Met Again From So Long Ago I Remember Your Beauty And Your Caring Beauty And All The Sweetest Things You Were To Me In My Days Back In The Late 70s And How In The Early 80s I Was So Happy To Know You Were Close By And The 90s One Time At The Hawkesbury Show.

    Our Paths Never Crossed After That But My Mind Never Forgot You Deeply Etched In To My Mind You Have Always Been... I Knew That Love With You Was A Reality And Real To All Of Me And Now We Are Together How I Feel So At Peace Even With All That Drama Around Us How My Heart Is Still Fond Of All Your Beauty, Beautiful Bird I Always Knew It Was You And I Remember Your Friends Pounding Me To Ask You Out When I Was So Young And So Shy For You And For You I Always Loved You... All Of My Love...

    All Of My Love Is For You Beautiful Bird And Always Has Been Because You Were Always With Me And I Always Loved You...

    A Dream Come True In Time With You; A Secret Fantasy Making Love With You Was A Long Ago Thought Of Mine... You Are My Lover And Best Friend.... Dear Beautiful Bird I Love You True.......

  • Rookie Lewy Lewis (8/18/2013 10:31:00 PM) Post reply

    Did I hear you singing????

    It could have been just a little dream of you and your music that it plays in my ear and when I hear I dream in my mind of you...............

    I may not be a prince I may not have any wealth in this world, but you will always be in my heart, let’s just make our life’s bigger, bigger then what we feel we have. Let this friendship and feeling continue let me continue to hear you in my ear, Do not change who you are for anyone but me…..

    Don't believe too much of what you hear, man never walked on the moon in 1969, , , But believe this I am so happy with the giant steps I took to get to you.............

    What do you say, say it now or forever hold your tongue???????????SAY THE THREE WORDS AND LET IT RUN THREW YOUR BLOOD...............

    I never been so Kool since I met you, this passion burns like never before, love was far from my mind but now it’s so close I do not wanna get burnt again but I cannot resist you...........

    What I must do to love you is easy, it comes natural, we know we go together better than ever......

    It’s just a matter of time and distance now...........

    Give me half a chance and I will be there with you............

    O Beautiful Woman how I know something about you and I.........

    Now........... Give me half a chance and I will be there with you............

    O Beautiful Woman how I know something about you and I.........

    Have I said too much, you seem like a fast Machine, the best looking women I EVER SEEN…

    Your knocking me out with them beautiful eyes... Kool me down ………


  • Rookie Nicholas Errico (8/17/2013 7:15:00 AM) Post reply

    Any suggestions? I'm new to this.


    There is no time to say goodbye,
    Because life is sweetly, succinctly
    A drink with a bittersweet, sour-bite

    There is no goodbye, only love's
    Whisper-strength, carrying us
    Down the river,
    Over mountain tops and wheat fields
    And concrete forests aglow with
    After-evening's afterthoughts.

    Because when we go, we don't go far:
    We go into another's drink,
    We go into another's whisper.
    For when we go, we don't go far;
    We go into the hearts and mirrors
    And lives and wives.
    Because life is sweetly, succinctly

  • Rookie Raquel Gutter (8/13/2013 9:01:00 PM) Post reply | Read 1 reply

    My sun doesn't shine like yours
    rise like yours
    give light like yours

    My rain doesn't pour like yours
    shower like yours
    flood like yours

    My butterfly doesn't evolve like yours
    change colors like yours
    leave behind traces of beauty like yours

    My heart doesn't
    beat like yours
    feel like yours
    heal like yours
    break like yours
    burn like yours

    My soul doesn't feel like yours
    give like yours

    But somehow I want all of you to soak up like a sponge

    But my eyes don't see like yours
    or cry like yours

    So it sit back and wait until i can be yours
    Until we have one goal
    one love
    one space
    one vision
    one blessing
    one fate
    one house
    one last name

    two cars
    two rings
    two minds
    two souls

    i'll wait until
    My sun shines like yours
    until my butterfly flies like yours
    until my heart loves like yours
    together; on one accord

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  • Gold Star - 10,381 Points Edgar Stevens (8/6/2013 3:48:00 AM) Post reply | Read 1 reply

    Poem Hunter Poetry Contest has officially started. You can enter with your favorite poem now or write a new one and submit it before August 31st,2013.

    Prize is $1,000 for the winner and $250 for the 2nd and 3rd place..

    You can write in any poetic style and on any subject.

    Entering the contest is free.


    Replies for this message:
    • Gold Star - 10,381 Points Denis Martindale (8/6/2013 1:57:00 PM) Post reply

      POEMHUNTER POETRY CONTEST My word, what's this?A contest here? With money on the line? The winner known within a year? Yes, please! That's mighty fine... I clicked the link upon the screen, ... more

  • Rookie Doug Upton (7/28/2013 4:52:00 PM) Post reply

    Just an older man's reflections over the years. All thoughts are welcome

  • Rookie Raquel Gutter (7/27/2013 3:24:00 AM) Post reply


    My rhythms and rhymes are no longer
    my flow is choppy
    don't follow to closely
    you won't catch the beat
    its unorthodox
    like rain in june
    like petticoats and earmuffs in Southern California
    its all over the place
    cue the horns Mr. Coltrane
    i don't write for the popular
    i write for the awkward
    confused at heart
    but perfectly understanding
    everything around me is a misinterpretation
    of what another person thought i should perceive it as
    no beats to catch in life
    just waves and feelings
    taxies and trains
    you get my drift
    steer straight …or not

  • Rookie Kimmy Hesser (7/26/2013 8:36:00 PM) Post reply

    Never Cry in Public

    You’ll need a thicker skin
    They’ll eat you alive this way
    Your feelings are a weakness
    And must be kept at bay

    There, there; have a tissue
    You’re not the first to cry
    Those who’ve come before you
    Learned to steal away and hide

    If you’re seized by the will to fight
    When the world seems much too cruel
    Remind yourself it’s useless
    Remember caring is too uncool

    Emotions are for children
    And pussies with guitars
    Affecting change is a fairy tale
    Get your head out of the stars

    Your feelings make us uncomfortable
    And repression is such a bitch
    Leave the crying to the actors
    They get paid to scratch that itch

    Sensuality for sale!
    Passion for a penny!
    Didn’t anyone ever tell you?
    The only value left is money.

    What happens when we wake up?
    What happens when we fall?
    Eventually the coyote looks down
    Nothing left between him and the ground

    What happens when I wake up?
    The pavement is closer than it seems
    I must surface now because
    Everyone knows what happens if you die in a dream…

    -Kimmy Hesser

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