Treasure Island

Critiques and Revision


Post your poems here for objective, honest critiques and suggestions.
Post a message

 

  • Mohammad Skati (8/28/2014 10:01:00 AM) Post reply Stage

    In fact, objectivity and honesty are two good factors in estimating any poem.

  • Mohammad Skati (8/27/2014 10:55:00 AM) Post reply Stage

    I suggest, great members, that we can pick a certain poem to analyze objectively everyday.

  • Mohammad Skati (8/27/2014 10:55:00 AM) Post reply Stage

    I suggest, great members, that we can pick a certain poem to analyze objectively everyday.

  • Marcus Scott (8/25/2014 3:35:00 PM) Post reply Stage

    This is one of the poems from my book " Diary of an Eclectic Heart" (which you can find on Amazon.com, for those who have and use Kindle) . Please let me know what you think.

    The Truth of Oblivion

    At worlds' end, where there's no tomorrow, what lies beyond the timeless veil?
    Will souls ascend, or be plunged into sorrow?Is our final breath our final tale?

    Is paradise a lie to which fools surrender, believed by fearful hearts made weary,
    Captivated by a timeless splendor, to leave behind a world born leery?

    Or is heaven found passed St. Peter’s gates, where time once stopless stands ever still,
    Where eternal life itself awaits, and Eden’s glory shines at will?

    Our finite world with all its treasure, within our hands these things we clasp,
    And with these same hands we aim to measure, to touch a truth beyond our grasp.

    The only truth we know for certain, is that all life's roads will end the same,
    For Death herself drops the final curtain, our very person she comes to claim.

    But until I'm claimed, I continue to live, my thoughts of death for now ignored,
    Regardless of the gift the beyond may give, though oblivion itself could be my reward.

  • Imoh Richard (8/25/2014 11:39:00 AM) Post reply Stage

    my first hunter poem.......need the criticking... please

    Come on children, lets sing a song
    Come on children, lets sing a song
    Lets sing of fields soo green
    Lets sing of sky so blue
    Lets sing of happy birds clapping feathers so hued

    Come on children, lets sing a song
    Lets sing of the earth so great
    Lets sing of heroes decades a gone
    Whose brave legs troded the soil beneath our feet

    Come on children, lets sing a song
    Lets sing of the ocean so vast
    Lets sing of the whale basking in the sun
    Of crocs with an open mouth
    Waiting for the next meal
    God saves the unwary prey

    Come on children, lets sing a song
    Of the wonders all around
    Lets sing pocohontas song
    With the voices of the mount
    Lets sing of the colours all around
    Painting visions even davinci cant

    Come on children, lets sing a song
    Of mother nature and her alone
    Come on children, lets sing a song
    Our last for mother earth
    The sky is dark
    Fields ablaze in reddish inferno
    Chirping birds roasting in the heat
    Or in furnace of the VIP

    Come on children, lets sing a song
    For its about to rain
    But Alas, its not a rain
    For mother mature cries
    And we,
    Only we
    Will get flooded by her tears

    Come on children
    Lets sing a dirge
    For alas, we sing
    A song we will never sing again.

    …………….. Imoh Richard.

  • Mohammad Skati (8/23/2014 9:48:00 AM) Post reply Stage

    If I criticize or comment on a certain poem, I want to pay attention to other members to be objective or at least not to take personal stand........ Criticism is great when achieving its aim. Thanks.

  • Mohammad Skati (8/22/2014 4:29:00 AM) Post reply Stage

    Critics are welcome if they estimate any poem only objectively to make good relations with other members. Thanks.

  • Laura Torres (8/21/2014 3:49:00 PM) Post reply Stage

    Mysterious Truth

    Not truly but insincerely
    wandering here and there, lost, floating
    Eyes darting everywhere,
    Heart squeezing seeming to not have enough space
    To pump life’s blood properly
    Through the endless cycle of breathe in, breathe out
    Tremble in my hand making me enforce the law,
    Stand still silly thing,
    Singing not allowed by the marshal’s silent shout!
    Loneliness prevails within the deepest crevice
    The slightest breeze brings it rushing forth
    Grinning insanely
    Be gone!
    Aching, stretching, reaching
    Foolishness or madness I don’t know which
    Doesn’t matter either or will be the same
    Words of pain, strength, passion a prism of emotions
    Passed out like playing cards evoking the word upon them
    Almost like magic
    Giggles gurgling within at such folly
    Truth or mystery can’t decipher maybe both
    A mysterious truth can it be?

  • Mohammad Skati (8/21/2014 11:21:00 AM) Post reply Stage

    Objective criticism of any poem enriches the poet and his poetry any time.

  • Abekah Emmanuel (8/20/2014 5:59:00 AM) Post reply Stage

    Dear my fellow hunters,
    I wish to draw your attention that my new poem is out.....it is entitled.....ALL BUT DREAMS........... Please read, rate and comment on it as well. I would be equally grateful to receive a more personal criticisms from any poet. Thank you all and have a nice day!

[Hata Bildir]