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Mike Acker Mike Acker Male, 61, Canada (11/6/2013 5:38:00 PM)

Just to stir the pot a bit more.....I wrote this about 10 months after I began to read and attempt to write poetry....what I have been doingin the last few days is saying goodbye to my older poems....they mean a lot to me as they all came from the heart....I am sort of pushing them out to sea.....whenever I try to rhyme the poem either gets watered down or loses in its energy....probably because I am not that good at rhyme.....

My Eve

If, I were the Creator for a day,
what kind of woman would I then create?
Who would she be?What would she have to say?

For looks, I may start with straight, darkened hair.
Her eyes would be as green as jade.
I would then make her skin most soft and fair.

For height, I may give her an inch or two
below my own so when I hug her tight,
she will never doubt if my love were true.

I would imbue her with such intelligence,
that when we talk I will admire her thoughts.
Her speech would never lack in eloquence.

For traits, I would give her a smile so bright
as to shine unto my darkest moments,
and a laugh; contagious, hearty, and light.

In her beating heart, I would firmly place
the love of humanity above all. //original was the Pamela I wrote this for, who was an Evangelist Christian
//original line here: her love for God above her love for me
Last but not least, she would lack not in grace.

Maria, Andrea or even Sue
will all come to mind as names I may choose.
But, strangely, only Pamela will do.

Once I am done I will surely have to pray,
that this dear woman I have created,
free to leave, will choose instead, to stay.

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  • Rookie - 264 Points Laughing@ You (11/6/2013 6:26:00 PM) Post reply | Read 1 reply
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    Uh....I had a professor about 20 years ago who encouraged us to not get so attached to our work, that if it stank, we would not be able to ditch it. I've seen too many writers, many of them here at PH, who were/are attached, pathologically so, to their work...even, and maybe especially, the bad stuff. I have my awful stuff too, and I mostly am embarrassed when I break it out, like my " Boy at the Bank" - from when I was sixteen...and several other " poems" . I see you growing and morphing into a fine poet, and I appreciate your contributions at Sojourners. " Strewn" is a giant leap for you (from what I've seen of your previous work) , and I am impressed because you've taken Jefferson's challenges to heart and worked and reworked your poetry, buffing it into gold (well, to cop to a cheesy metaphor) .

    Re: the grocery list you have here for finding the perfect woman. I'm sure as you fine-tune your art, you'll be able to say this much more succinctly and artistically. In the interim, you might want to post this in the personal section of your local classified, and head it with, " If you like pina coladas..."

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    • Rookie - 264 Points Mike Acker (11/6/2013 7:42:00 PM) Post reply

      Very good! Especially the pina colada part. It wasn't really a grocery list as much as a an attempt to describe a real Pamela, whom I had not met yet(in person that is) at the time of the poem. ... more

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