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Jefferson Carter Jefferson Carter Male, 91, United States (7/1/2013 12:03:00 PM)

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Alice, pretty cool. Here are some suggestions for nip-and-tuck revisions. Good poem.

KNIGHT IN RUSTED ARMOR


He comes home in an old green suburban
Around six in the morning

Drives round and round the block
Looking for a space to park

He limps up the iron stairs
This battle weary and scarred

Short man with a large heart
Steps into my waiting arms

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  • Rookie - 1st Stage Alice Vedral Rivera (7/1/2013 12:20:00 PM) Post reply

    Thanks JC. I think I'll use your revisions. It won't have the same sound and limping rhythm (intentional) when I recite it but it still sounds good and I like the tightness.

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