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Lamont Palmer Male, 53, United States (6/8/2013 8:05:00 PM)

Under A Hoodie

Outside of windows: deliberate darkness.
As wide as thought, there comes the briefest time
on streets of endless cries, when houses
deign to be spaces that shine and swallow
Cowls, which hides innocence, unsecured.

Running, perpetually into
The thick of frustrations, tied to a cause,
They were tragic twins beneath the tutelage
Of ‘specious’ skies, wrestling with doubt
Over the voices of intemperate crowds.

Many encounters cough up gentle blood,
on grasses polarized and unable
to clarify, not saying what mud will reveal.
Peace is buried with unnamed bruises
Alone; the way myths enjoy being alone.

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  • Rookie - 796 Points Lamont Palmer (6/11/2013 1:49:00 PM) Post reply | Read 1 reply
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    LOL. OK. I don't consider this 'better' because its less 'ornate'. But thanks for that. I know a little meter and wordplay to you is like Kyrptonite to Superman. You're nothing if not consistent. -LP

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    • Rookie - 796 Points Jefferson Carter (6/11/2013 2:41:00 PM) Post reply | Read 1 reply

      I don't mind a little meter and word play as long as they improve the poem overall, instead of poking out of the poem's corpus like a forgotten surgical sponge..

  • Rookie - 629 Points Jefferson Carter (6/11/2013 12:34:00 PM) Post reply

    Monty, pretty good, less ornate than your usual attempt at " high" art. I always get this sense that you're pushing too hard for profundity, that you won't allow a colloquial phrase or even rhythm find its homely place in your work. This isn't necessarily bad, but it encourages you to write lines like " grasses 'polarized and unable/ to clarify, " as if the image, because difficult to " paraphrase, " is in itself meaningful or graceful. You know I don't insist on sense, but I DO insist on shapeliness.

  • Rookie - 796 Points Lamont Palmer (6/9/2013 8:13:00 AM) Post reply

    Published in Orion Headless. I forget what issue, but in 2012. Tweaked a wee bit since then. -LP

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