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Rhythm and Rhyme Workshop


Workshop for poetry written in traditional forms.
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Ritika Mane Female, 31, India (8/4/2005 10:52:00 PM)

I think the last line is inconsistant with the entire poem. You could say that it brings one back to reality with a bump, but I don't really think thats what you're going for.

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  • Jessica H (10/19/2005 3:57:00 PM) Post reply Stage

    second stanza third line, maybe winter's bite would work better with the rhyme flow
    third stanza first line, down on one knee might help with the rhyme flow.
    I also noticed that you tend to put to many words in a line for example:
    'How I always wanted to say to you how much I love you '
    In this sentence you are over saying the you therefore making it to wordy and uninteresting.
    This is a nice idea and you have a lot of good imagery.

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