Rhythm and Rhyme Workshop

Workshop for poetry written in traditional forms.
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Ritika Mane Female, 31, India (8/4/2005 10:52:00 PM)

I think the last line is inconsistant with the entire poem. You could say that it brings one back to reality with a bump, but I don't really think thats what you're going for.

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  • Jessica H (10/19/2005 3:57:00 PM) Post reply

    second stanza third line, maybe winter's bite would work better with the rhyme flow
    third stanza first line, down on one knee might help with the rhyme flow.
    I also noticed that you tend to put to many words in a line for example:
    'How I always wanted to say to you how much I love you '
    In this sentence you are over saying the you therefore making it to wordy and uninteresting.
    This is a nice idea and you have a lot of good imagery.

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