Rhythm and Rhyme Workshop
(10/19/2005 3:57:00 PM)
second stanza third line, maybe winter's bite would work better with the rhyme flow
third stanza first line, down on one knee might help with the rhyme flow.
I also noticed that you tend to put to many words in a line for example:
'How I always wanted to say to you how much I love you '
In this sentence you are over saying the you therefore making it to wordy and uninteresting.
This is a nice idea and you have a lot of good imagery.
Comment of the Day
- It's more of a song lyric.
Please let me know how I can improve it.
Changing words etc,
Thanks in advice!
The winter is ...