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Rhythm and Rhyme Workshop


Workshop for poetry written in traditional forms.
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Dr. A.celestine Raj Manohar Md Dr. A.celestine Raj Manohar Md Male, 57, India (6/15/2004 8:59:00 AM)

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There is tremendous beauty in rhythm and rhyme!

On Writing a Poem

I yearned to be a Poet someday;
Enthrall the literary world someway;
I knew to write a good Poem,
Was not quite easy- from my mom!

Of all the many talents I’d got;
My one thing-my Poetic thought;
From the Heavens like a thunder-squall,
Master-like, I began to enthrall.

Even my wife, she makes some fun
Of me- Poet? I like to pun,
With words; and under the Sun,
I will be great and try to stun.

The urge to be a good Poet,
Persists to goad me on and on;
So, now and then, I tried to write,
And whenev’r the lines are born!

Many a talent, I possess,
I will also become famous;
If my one Talent, I pursue,
Very soon, limelight will ensue.

Whatev’r thy aim, begin, one must;
Swim, one day, the unchartered sea;
Success will come to a brave heart;
That keeps writing with immense glee.

This stress though strange, I’ve suffer’d;
To struggle thus, undeciphered;
‘Tis a worthy cause and the fame,
Everlasting shall end the game.

Poetry, addiction to some,
Like cannabis, heroin, rum;
A Poet should best deliver,
But God is the sole Giver!

No matter all the blunders writ,
Despite critics calling unfit;
One stealthily makes progress,
In any field to bring success.

With time, the poem gets mended!
Hours of hard labor seem ended;
All is so well that ends so swell!
The Poet happily will revel.

Not all need win laurels, acclaim,
Man must his creator proclaim;
God’s love of Mankind, knows no bounds;
And haunts us tenderly, all around!

by Dr John Celes

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  • Luigi Coppola (6/19/2004 3:08:00 AM) Post reply | Read 1 reply

    Hello John,

    As this is posted in workshop, I take it you want this critiqued? I hope you dont take this personally, as I'm just speaking as a reader, in respects to the poem’s effectiveness...

    IMO, this feels clichéd doggerel; it doesn't do anything for me. The rhymes are forced, the inversions are a put off, and the metre is too erratic for my taste. Also, the telly nature of the God references don't help your point.

    Unless you're being ironic (in which case, IMO, trimming and ironing is needed - I can suggest specifies if you like) , I'd scrap this..

    Just one man's opinion of course. Best,

    Luigi

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    • Dr. A.celestine Raj Manohar Md Rookie - 1st Stage (6/22/2004 4:01:00 AM) Post reply

      I had deliberately posted one of my earliest 'poems' to prove how easy and nice, it is to rhyme. The poem is certainly not a prototype for a perfect poem with all its many essentials. Some of my sonne ... more

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