Treasure Island

Freeform Workshop


Workshop for poetry written in free forms.
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Juan Guzman Juan Guzman Male, 19, United States (5/18/2010 7:14:00 PM)

These are my three faverite poem that i have written please comment on witch is better, and if you like them, please view my others.

Someone Incomplete by: Juan Guzman
The ones blessed by God, the ones cursed by the Devil.
They are the ones who can see the dagger inside of me.
They are the ones who do not help me, they fear me.
They are the ones who do not look at me, but they see me.
I wait.
The ones of normal nature, the one in the middle.
They are the ones do not see the dagger that pains me.
They are the ones who do not help me, they do not know me.
They are the ones who do not hear me cry, they do not see me.
I wait.
The with half a halo, the one that visits hell.
The one who can see the dagger in me, the one that can see one in my hand as well.
The one who will help me, the one who knows & doesn’t fear.
The one who can hear me cry, the one sees me & cry’s as well.
I wait.
I wait for my half an angel, I wait for my half a demon.
I wait for my half a human, I wait for my half a soul.
I wait for someone incomplete I wait for someone like me.
I wait.

The empty by: Juan Guzman
The wind is my death, yes I’m going to die in the sky.
The ocean is my soul, yes I’m going to drift in the waves.
The land is my body, yes I’m going to crumble in the mountains.
The wind is my star, yes I’m shine in space.
The ocean is my fire, yes I’m going to burn in water.
The land is my breath, yes I’m going to breath in dirt.
The empty is what I’m going to forever miss.

Some day by: Juan Guzman
Someday I will see you.
Someday I will free you.
I will shatter your cage of ice & snow.
I will use my beating key make it melt & glow.
Someday day you will see me.
Someday you will love me.
You will in my world of blue sky’s & flowing rivers.
You will have a smile that put angels to shame.
Someday we will see each other.
Someday we will dance in the moonlight.
We will shine brighter than any star in the sky.
We will be husband & wife.
Someday, someday, oh how I wait for that day.

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  • Khalilah Mackey (5/22/2010 3:52:00 PM) Post reply Stage

    Hello,
    The last poem I think it has potentail, as a reader I felt as if the poem was about two beings who knew of each other, but for some reason were not able to be with each other or see each other, and one of them is thinking about, or telling the other, what will happen when they do meet. You could use more expressions in your wording so that readers can know where you want emphasis to be placed. all and all it was a good poem.

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