Writing Poetry

Post a message
  • Michael Shepherd (4/17/2005 5:28:00 AM) Post reply

    Mark, brilliant effort, though I feel that the last three lines take the reader back to the situation too much.

    But it does occur to me that 'state of the marriage' is one of the great contemporary themes, too little treated for obvious reasons -we don't all want to be Teds and Sylvias hanging out our dirty washing in public!

  • Michael Shepherd (4/16/2005 5:31:00 PM) Post reply

    'and thus they knew just what they didn't want;
    but never met to write a shopping list.'

    which is surely very unAmerican?

  • Robert Rorabeck (4/16/2005 12:52:00 AM) Post reply | Read 1 reply

    ordered buffie Saint Marie's greatest hits off Amazon, so it will be interesting to hear how she sounds

    Replies for this message:
    • Poetry Hound (4/16/2005 6:53:00 AM) Post reply

      I'll be interested to hear too. I wonder if the song 'Codeine' is part of the collection. She tunes her guitar differently and it adds a haunting sound to the haunting lyrics.

  • Brett Trotter (4/14/2005 11:00:00 PM) Post reply

    Hey everyone, I would appreciate some more ratings and criticism on one of my poems I have posted here on this site. It is titled 'Revolution Coming.' I have a few others posted here under my name as well, and I welcome anything said of them, also. Thank you very much! Have a great day!

  • Poetry Hound (4/14/2005 5:07:00 PM) Post reply

    Well, I found it but it's too long to post here. Just google 'my country tis of thy people you're dying' and you'll find it. Here's a taste of it, told from the point of view of a Native American (written in the sixties) :

    Now that we're harmless and safe behind laws,
    Now that my life's to be known as your 'heritage, '
    Now that even the graves have been robbed,
    Now that our own chosen way is a novelty -
    Hands on our hearts we salute you your victory,
    Choke on your blue white and scarlet hypocrisy

  • Poetry Hound (4/14/2005 5:00:00 PM) Post reply

    Yes Robert, I got the message from the Neil Young lyric. I meant that quite often I find OTHER poems/lyrics that have bizarre images but no substance. Now, as for lyrics about Native Americans, I always liked Buffie Saint Marie's 'My Country Tis Of Thy People You're Dying.' I'll see if I can locate it on the Inet.

  • Robert Rorabeck (4/14/2005 4:28:00 PM) Post reply

    if anything, this is a folk song, and really on the fringe of pop rock

  • Robert Rorabeck (4/14/2005 4:27:00 PM) Post reply

    PH- wow, yeah the imagery is bizarr-o, but no message? (This gives me hope for my own stuff) - The poem is about the alienation caused by white civilization, the destruction of the native, and the poetic attempt to return to her.... :) Pretty obvious stuff.

  • Poetry Hound (4/14/2005 4:02:00 PM) Post reply

    Yep, this is your kind of lyric, Robert. Full of bizarro nonsequiter images - Marlon Brando, Pocahontas, and me indeed. I actually like it because I sometimes like jarring images. I think sometimes surealism and bizarre images are a way to show off creativity when the poet doesn't really have much of anything to say. They're eye-catching candy but there's not much substance underneath. However, this lyric is pretty cool, and as pop/rock lyrics go it's certainly better than 'Louie Louie.'

  • Robert Rorabeck (4/14/2005 3:05:00 PM) Post reply | Read 1 reply

    This is a favorite Neil Young song of mine- I actually know it from Johnny Cash's Unearthed Limited edition box set, and it's JC's version which I love. Thought I'd get your response to the lyrics.


    Aurora borealis
    The icy sky at night
    Paddles cut the water
    In a long and hurried flight
    From the white man
    to the fields of green
    And the homeland
    we've never seen.

    They killed us in our tepee
    And they cut our women down
    They might have left some babies
    Cryin' on the ground
    But the firesticks
    and the wagons come
    And the night falls
    on the setting sun.

    They massacred the buffalo
    Kitty corner from the bank
    The taxis run across my feet
    And my eyes have turned to blanks
    In my little box
    at the top of the stairs
    With my Indian rug
    and a pipe to share.

    I wish a was a trapper
    I would give thousand pelts
    To sleep with Pocahontas
    And find out how she felt
    In the mornin'
    on the fields of green
    In the homeland
    we've never seen.

    And maybe Marlon Brando
    Will be there by the fire
    We'll sit and talk of Hollywood
    And the good things there for hire
    And the Astrodome
    and the first tepee
    Marlon Brando, Pocahontas and me
    Marlon Brando, Pocahontas and me

    Replies for this message:
    • Andy Konisberg (4/14/2005 3:49:00 PM) Post reply

      it is a timeless record, image, lyric...I like the 1994 'Unplugged' version the best. 'Unknown legend' is something to fall away to also.

[Hata Bildir]