Emotions Brown

Every girl has been hurt so bad in her life that it effects every decision she makes in the future.
Every girl has cried herself to sleep at night over a man she was positive she was in love with.
Every girl remembers that one guy who took everything from her first, including her heart.
Every girl has that one relationship that meant the most, but ended the worst.
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It took sometime for me to see the person you really are.
My heart clouded my mind for so long that I didnt realize the pain and the embarressment you caused me.
You never cared for me the way I cared for you.
You never opened your heart to me and you never believed I was the one.
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There was a time when I cared for you, it was at a time when I was young and naive.
There was a time when I would have done anything for you, it was at a time when I hated myself.
There was a time when I could have fallen in love with you, it was at a time when I just wanted to be loved.
There was a time when I finally realized who you really were, it was at a time when my heart was already in too deep.
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Watching you walk away was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
Everything in me was screaming 'go after him'.
But I didnt go because I knew it had to be over.
I couldnt, I wouldnt live with the hurt anymore.
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I replay over and over in my head what we had.
Everytime believeing you cared and I really meant something to you.
Until now, im finally replaying it clearly.
I can see how you treated me was wrong.
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Through all the years, all the moments we have shared, all I have given to you.
We have never been friends.
You have never respected me.
You have never truly cared.
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One day you will come to me and I will be able to look at you and feel nothing.
I will turn away from you without a second thought.
One day you will kiss me and my knees will remain locked.
I wont shiver when you touch me and my heart will be able to resist your charm.
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Walk away.
There is no reason to come to me.
You dont like me, you dont repsect me and you dont truly want me in your life.
So just walk away.
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When I look at you and our eyes meet I know you feel it too.
The butterflies deep in your stomach, a strong force keeping you from looking away.
Please tell me you feel it too.
You have to feel it.
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One day I will look at you and see the monster you really are.
I will see the lack of emotion in your eyes or the cruelty behind every fake smile.
One day I will lose all feeling for you.
More than anything I want to rid myself of you completely, but since I was young you captured my heart and you never gave it back.
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I will never understand why I continue to love you.
Its the biggest secret of my life.
Im ashamed of what I have continued to let happen between us.
Its wrong and in the end Im always hurt.
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I never got to thank you for all you have done.
Thank you for not being a good person.
Thank you for not being man enough to look in my eyes when you talked to me.
Thank you for not truly caring about me, but allowing me to think you did.
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We were never close and we were never really friends.
We fought a lot and we both said very harsh words.
You moved away and for the first time I realized we spent most of our years together fighting about things that dont seem to be that important today, instead of being family.
I can never get those years back no matter how much I want to.
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I look in the mirror everyday just hoping that the girl I once saw would be looking back at me.
Everday becomes a bigger disappointment than the last.
Who is this girl I see looking back at me?
Where did she come from and how can I get her to go away?
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The tears are streaming down my face and my head is yelling take one, you will feel better.
So I swallow one pill.
My heart has been broken one too many times and my head is yelling take one, you will feel better.
So I take one for every broken heart.
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Who is this stranger standing before me and when did he become one?
We were so close at one time and at one time he was the only man in my life.
He was so warm, kind and very loving.
He would make me laugh and there was never a time I didnt feel loved.
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I always wonder why you lose touch with certain people.
Its always the people that were a big part of your life at one time.
Friendships always fall apart.
Feelings always get hurt and after many years the bond is never the same.
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Dear Precious Angel,

This is your future mom. Im praying everyday for you to come.
I cant wait til the day when I can feel your first kick or hear your heartbeat. I want you more than I have ever wanted anything. I promise to make you my first priority and you will never question my love, because I will surround you with it always.
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Im so angry inside because of what you did to me.
I have tried and tried to let it go and move on, but I cant.
My mind wont let me forget the hell you put me through.
At the time I knew I deserved better, but I honestly thought you could be better.
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