Broken Shell

A million apologies.

My eternal spirit, beyond comprehension didn't fit into your pre-conceived, neat little categories.
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The best poem ever written moves all who read it in one way or another.

The experience is different for each person who reads it.
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It may start innocently as children pretend at play to escape boredom
then evolves insidiously as pretense to escape confession.

Built fortresses of proud walls to keep out the scorn and rejection.
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Pressure mounts as the due date looms overhead,
What it amounts to is being seduced by my room and my bed.
Up for hours, the king of writer's block
Has my mind and pen in a fighter's grip-lock.
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There's Unspoken Tension

Between.
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So she flies into my life like light shines in a room.
Heals all the pain I feel inside when it used to just all consume.
She tells me all the time that I'm such a good man.
She laughs at all my jokes like I'm some kind of comedian.
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Superficial bullshit, plastic surface shell vain nothings.

See right through it to your stinking, selfish motives.
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Acceptance, validation, respect, admiration or even
love.

For some it's the food that fuels the next 40 days from just one meal.
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It hurt so bad the pain I feel froze my ability to communicate it.

The victim is sometimes blamed.
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Inch by inch it's a cinch to eat an elephant one bite at a time,
the journey of a thousand miles begins with just one step
mount everest climbed. The moon, manned.
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When the inspiration all dries up
and you're left there expected to perform,
remember this truth:
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Lies,

aren't working like they should,
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Conviction

by the conscience in me.
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First Thirteen a Voice Escapes Blaming the Victim,

“Everyone Needs a Miracle, ”
-God's Secret Hunger Pains.
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You justify my breath

and death
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Come a little closer and I'll tell you the secret who lives forever.

Right now, here, everywhere and forever:
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It's in the moments when I've not known what to do,
where the evidence of grace prevailed and carried through.

Christ once said, “My strength is made perfect in your weakness.”
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Feels like every cell is screaming out for a fix,
some relief.

Kills the hell dreaming about itself, the thief.
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It's been centuries it seems since you found me here or at least it seems that way when my dreams are cut open and exposed for outside eyes.

You used to be the one who understood, the undying constant and voice on my shoulder cries.
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I wish I could just show you the forever my heart lives
when thoughts of you appear.

I wish I could pick up all your broken pieces and melt them together until your smile returned and turned to laughter.
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